British Grand Prix Weekend – Now with aerial views!

This weekend’s GP caused a lot of stir. The events that unfolded were so grandiose that they’ll affect every person in the world, even those who don’t follow FormulaProc. This was bigger than the first transistors! Am I being overly dramatic? My editor says “yes”. Read along to know what am I talking about!

Edward Parker, writing for

Many fans were disappointed after the cancelation of the Austrian GP, especially given the extremely short notice. But we are happy to see the traditional race at Silverstone managed to survive the controversial security measures and we are back in action!

When I look back at the previous Grand Prix, it seems like we were all watching them blindfolded. Silverstone’21 changed everything as we can finally see the cars flying through the tracks!

The qualifier session was a meatgrinder. We were able to see how treacherous the Silverstone Circuit’s curves are. Silverstone showed that even if many nations tread on its borders, It’s a force of nature to be respected, just like the old British Empire.

The most treacherous curves during the qualifiers were Arena and Chapel. Please tell me you noted how Hatena’s cars were flying! Yes; maybe they ended up in predictable positions, but it’s my impression that they were just playing. How else would you explain what we saw during the GP? But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Jochen and Biskup were phenomenal. They seemed hell-bent on beating each other’s time. So hard was this internal competition that their qualifying times were EXACTLY the same down to the hundredth of second!. No regard for safety, no respect for the curves, just pure adrenaline. When they caught notice of each other’s time, tense gazes could be seen. Why? you might ask. Well, faithful followers of FormulaProc know this already, so please be patient with me while I let the newbies into this juicy drama.

Jochen had a high-school sweetheart called Carlina Weber. If the name rings a bell, that means you must like looking at lingerie catalogs from central Europe. Hers is the biggest name of German supermodels. They were together for 8 years! And all that ended last month when she was seen holding hands with no other than Biskup. If you want more details, go read the article!

The chamber of the Unseen deemed Biskup to take the pole position ahead of Jochen. Kisielewicz was no joke, ending virtually at the same time as the green bullets, followed by Wichman within less than a second. Simernino saved the day for Majeyaux, Denzi and Geckinho were able to top the Slaras, and Casalini showed a severe lack of focus and will start in the last position. (He was seen the past two weeks partying, no doubt celebrating his historical pole position in France. His lack of practice showed, however. Let’s hope he doesn’t start resting on his laurels now.)

Before we start with the summary of the race, I promised you something big and if you are reading this without having watched a recording of the GP, stop right now, watch the opening and come back.

We all saw Hatena debut their new pretty deep-blue cars in the past race; that, however, seemed like just a first step to their renewed applied technology. Let me tell you some insider information: the new cars seem to work in conjunction with the new Hatenas driver’s uniforms. According to my sources, the skin-thigh suit allows a connection between the driver and the car, anticipating the reactions of the drivers and giving them a huge advantage when steering.

Currently, this breaks no rules since there is no evidence of automated driving, but some teams have already argued this is an unfair advantage over the other drivers because it eliminates the reaction time factor while driving and after this race… Well, the results may not be perfect but it’s clear this new technology will revolutionize driving forever, regardless of what the Chamber of the Unseen decides on the legality of it.

I told you this was big. Lucky you if you have any stocks on Hatena!

Now, let’s talk about the GP race!

The race starts and immediately we saw results of Hatena’s new tech… with varying success. Denzi seemed to be having some issues getting adjusted, but Geckinho? He was a natural. Whenever his competitor got to “The Loop”, Geckinho left them eating dust! Both Wichman and Jochen tried to accelerate on the curve to impede Geckinho’s approach and that proved too much for them… both ended up almost crashing and losing their places!

Geckinho was dangerously close to Simernino when he was to turn on Booklands. His response to Geckinho? Step in the gas, carelessly. The images of his crash are still burned on my retinas. Luckily he was ok, but paramedics and technicians had to get him out of the car. He was unconscious and the car’s metal had twisted so much that the paramedics alone could not reach him.

Meanwhile, Kisielewics and Biskup were fighting for the first place, completely oblivious to what was going on behind them. This ended near Vale: Biskup left Kisielewicz behind and Geckinho started to get dangerously close to Biskup.

On the second lap, Arena takes another victim: Jochen dropped to eighth place after oversteering and losing control of his engine.

Let’s go back to Geckinho since he was the star of this GP. Between Maggots and Becketts Geckinho had a sudden burst of acceleration that caught Biskup by surprise. His reaction was to decelerate and antagonize Geckinho, who in return started to intimidate Biskup in the most dangerous way possible: bumping wheels. That was too much pressure for Geckinho and Biskup accepted second place for a while.

Geckinho won a lot of distance after a couple of laps, but during the fourth lap, near Luffield, something must have distracted him, or maybe the new tech failed because he ran out of the tracks. This allowed Kisielewicz to catch up with him, but not take the lead position from Geckinho.

Let’s talk about the other drivers for now: how about Zapata? He was as always steady and modest, but according to after-race rumors, he got a little bit too excited during the fourth lap and tried to accelerate more than he could handle. He crashed near Copse… Not as bad as Simernino’s crash! But still strong enough to get him out of the race. The team owner is reportedly fine but might be considering seriously putting someone on his seat for next year.

And would you believe it? We had a third accident! Denzi struggled during all the race: he seemed stiff. We all heard his director screaming at him over the team radio: “You are a star! Act like one!” just before it happened. Near Becketts, he accelerated. Near Becketts, he crashed. Near Becketts… Blood.

“Mr. Denzi is ok. Pieces of metal punctured his body several times, but he is ok and stable. Luckily for him, the steel made mostly superficial wounds. Unluckily for him, it also punctured the radial artery. He is receiving the blood he needs and all the care he requires. He will be able to race next week as long as he rests and uses that new suit again. He shouldn’t move his wrist.” Said Dr. Taylor, manager of “The Divine Mercy” hospital in London.

FormulaProc is a dangerous sport dear readers. Thank the drivers who participate in it and be thankful for being able to enjoy this sport from the comfort of your own homes.

In a turn of events, Kisielewicz managed to snatch first place from Geckinho. Stakes were high. This was the final lap. What did Geckinho do? Push back a little. “I was aware of what happened to Denzi… that really got on me, and stressed me a lot! I just couldn’t force myself to keep pushing on. My mind was with him… we are a team, how could I remain unfazed? If you see this, Denzi, I’m sorry. I’ll visit you as soon as I can” said Geckinho after the race.

Thankfully this was the end of the race. I for one, couldn’t take more excitement. Kisielewicz stands atop of the podium for the second time in the season, and what a race for Geckinho! a couple weeks ago we had a surprise from Wichman too, what awaits for us in Hungary… will Gaburi get her first Grand Prix victory maybe?

Here are the final positions and the current ranks!

The greatest winners of the weekend are Kisielewicz, who climbs 2 positions to #2 in the tournament displacing Simernino and Biskup, and Geckinho, who pushes Gaburi, Wichman, and Zapata to the bottom. Casalini cannot afford to waste a single race, as Kisielewicz is now just 16 points behind so a couple of lucky races can put him in the fight. Biskup is also dangerously close to Simernino, Majeyaux definitively had a weekend to forget, failing to score a single point for the first time in the year.

With Geckinho’s victory, Hatena recovers its honor over Slashware Racing and is not very far from Epona. The next race at Hungary might give us the surprise of them jumping to the third position, if Wichman continues failing to score big and their new technology becomes more reliable!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s